Mind power.

This mornings 5.4km was hard, really hard. Savage westerly wind, just after starting Giz dropped back and when I turned my head to see where he was I strained my right calf again. It was cold so I had trackies and a hoodie on which seemed to add to a feeling of tightness in my muscles because of the extra restriction on my movement they caused. I thought about my friend who is aiming for a PB in a 5km race today. I thought about not hating, resenting and fighting the wind, but loving it as I ran against its resistance to my efforts. I sought to draw from internal or seemingly super-natural strength as I have in the past, but it was so hard and I knew it was slow. The final {30 minute} update on my phone pinged, I could barely here it, but I heard the dreaded phrase: "Average pace; six...." for the first time in months I was going to miss my goal (average pace less than 6 minutes per kilometre, minimum 5 kilometres). "Oh Hell NO!!!" I thought, "Not today, I am not going to fail today; no, fucking, way." And that was it. I simply forgot all the pains, fatigue and doubt and ran as hard as I could for the final two minutes. I hit the virtual stop button on my phone at the imaginary finish line; "Average pace; five minutes, fifty-eight seconds per kilometre." I had tried all the usual things to reach my goal, but in the end I achieved the seemingly impossible simply through the practice of allowing my mind to overcome the matter. Mind power, it is real and it works, this for me proved it...

The battle to experience beauty in pain.

Giz and I get to our start line, I unclip his lead and he prances around excitedly at the prospect of running up the beach, no doubt relishing the freedom of the wide open space and the many distractions that entice him on this, our regular journey of love and discipline. I press the virtual start button on the screen of my phone that activating application that keeps record of our activity. From the very first pace, the familiar pain from middle-aged joints and muscles asserts its presence in my body. I recall a conversation I had with another new acquaintance from a dating site last night about exercise and ageing. Why do we do this to ourselves? We both have to accept real limitations on what our bodies are even capable of anymore. It is high tide, the sand is soft, there is a strong westerly head wind, and the swell is large enough for a decent surf session there, or possibly even at the local point breaks which is a very rare occurrence. Everything is saying "arghhhh fuck it, it is too hard and I am missing out on doing some fun things by doing this, give up, why push yourself?" and yet deep down I know, this is important. This gives you strength, purpose and direction. So on we go. I concentrate on technique, breathing, pacing myself. I know from experience what an achievable goal is so I aim for that goal. My phone audibly updates in 5 minute intervals, and the first update tells me I am under pace to achieve my goal. It is such hard work. Giz is bounding around like it is nothing, taunting me, like he is a child saying "come on dad, why are you so slow?" I try running closer to the water where the sand is a bit harder to improve my pace, but there are channels carved in the still soft sand by the retreat of the waves, requiring effort and concentration to avoid, I move back up to the softer, flatter sand away from the water and keep plugging away. Giz runs under my feet and I stumble but keep going. I see a pretty girl in the distance, she gives me a smile, I am single and often feel lonely, the temptation to stop and engage her in conversation is intense but onwards I push. I turn for the final leg home, I am just on the required pace to achieve my goal but I have reached the limit of my strength and will power, in my mind I utter "God give me strength", I close my eyes and reach inside for something to get me to the finish. All of a sudden I feel a surge of love, energy, instantly all the pain, struggle and doubt fades in insignificance. For a few brief seconds the Spirit courses through my body like a wave, cleansing and renewing body, mind and soul, I feel completely alive, then my weak left ankle lands awkwardly and pain shoots through the joint, a big wave crashes forcing me to side step onto the softest sand, and I pass that pretty girl , too exhausted yet focussed to even say "hello", but seconds later I have made it. The finish. I achieved my goal. A sense of deep satisfaction fills me. I did it, again. My middle-aged body carried me through one more battle. I am truly alive, and life; is beautiful.